Ritardando
ritardando noun; a gradual decrease in tempo. fic by stork one - introduction You already know who I am. You may not know what my history is, or what I went through. But you know who I am, because you know who Talon is. You don't know what happened. You don't understand me. two - love The first time I saw Talon, it was when Rowanpaw vanished. Rowanpaw was my brother. We were the closest we could be; he was cinnamon brown and I was brown tabby. When we were kits, he told me that he'd never leave me to fend for myself. He said he'd always be there. But when Talon came, it all changed. I watched Talon's eyes stare at us both. Her eyes darted once over me, then over Rowanpaw. My brother growled at her, unafraid of anything... and she simply grabbed him. He went limp under her claws, and she simply sighed and stared at me, but didn't react. He wasn't dead, but he would be - everyone knew that if Talon came with her minions - Gar and the two falcons, Chomp and Scrunch - you were going to be dead within two days. Neither of the falcons were there, but Gar was. He took a single look at my Clan's deputy and grabbed her. That day, I watched Gar turn her neck to the side. The worst part was that she didn't bother to fight back. He let go of her, and nodded at Talon. They took Rowanpaw. Not me. three - light When Rowanpaw left, I was broken into shambles. My mother tried for days to comfort me, but it wasn't helpful, not at all. Not only was my brother gone, we also didn't have a deputy anymore. Wrenstar told the Clan she needed a break to process the death of her deputy, and she took a few days to herself before she came out. "The new deputy... will be Windwhisker." That's...! "Mother!" She slipped out of the warriors' den, her green eyes wide. She'd never been too much like the other warriors; built small, only regretfully allowed in by our previous leader. She came in as a rogue, thin and starved, and it took moons before she'd been able to settle without getting looks. When Rowanpaw and I came along, she still got looks; some of the Clan saw us as evil. Some saw us as the embodiment of cats from the Dark Forest - more me than my brother, since I look similar to a deceased brother of the last leader. I continued to get those looks when I became an apprentice. It wasn't kind, nor was it normal. Sometime before Rowanpaw'd made his promise to me - that he'd never let them harm me. He kept that for me. Windwhisker approached Wrenstar, thanking her. "May we have prosperity while I'm here." Her voice dropped to a whisper, and I wondered briefly what she was talking about. Wrenstar simply nodded and whispered something back, which satisfied my mother. "For now, Clanmates, we must stay vigilant. I know the losses of Cedarwing and Rowanpaw have hurt as all, but there is no use in grieving when we must continue with our lives. Time continues to pass; kits continue to grow, and our single queen inches closer to bringing us new arrivals every day. We must observe with them, and continue." Nods from the Clan prompted our disbanding, and I still had the image of Talon in my mind. She'd taken away my light - my brother. I'd find a way to get her for that. four - dark For the months following, I had dreams about Talon. It was a terrible time for me, and for everyone. Despite Wrenstar's claims that we should've moved on, nobody did. Nobody could get over Cedarwing or Rowanpaw - and it only prompted more looks at me. More bad looks, since Rowanpaw wasn't there to stop them. In the meantime, Windwhisker worked tirelessly for Wrenstar, and even more so when we all discovered what she'd whispered to Wrenstar about. It'd been four moons since Talon had come. Four moons since we lost Rowanpaw and Cedarwing. I was soon to be a warrior - I had a week or so. It was at this point that Windwhisker told us all what was happening. "I'm expecting kits." She smiled, and the Clan cheered for her. They'd been the first since our previous queen died; she'd died of blood loss not long after Windwhisker became deputy. "I expect... probably pretty soon." I studied her form; I'd never noticed the gradual growth, and I wondered briefly if Rowanpaw was dead, and if he was cheering her on. Wrenstar cleared her throat. "Windwhisker will stay as our deputy for as long as she can manage. But afterward... we will need a temporary replacement. I will take your suggestions after we disband. Dismissed." Several members of the Clan approached Windwhisker and Wrenstar, and I almost did as well - then she came. Mentally, I watched Talon grab Windwhisker. I watched her struggle and give up. Nothing was worse right then than to watch her do that to my mother. I panicked. It took Windwhisker to calm me down from it. "Hey, Falconpaw... something's wrong, isn't it?" "Of course something's wrong. Rowanpaw's gone - he could be dead for all we know." She furrowed her eyebrows. "I'm trying to be happy, but all I see is her, every single day." She didn't bother to try, just comforted me. five - rot It wasn't long until Windwhisker stepped down when I saw Talon again. She entered swiftly, cast one look at Windwhisker, then snapped her gaze at me. My mother, having nearly declared that she was too close to birth to continue, called for Wrenstar, but it was already too late. I felt her claws dig into my back as she dragged me back, despite me trying so hard not to. She set me down, and I was too dizzy to try to get up, and nearly passed out right then. My ears heard Windwhisker wailing about how a second one of her children were going to die, and Wrenstar yelling at Talon to let me go. Talon, I knew, was simply shrugging this off. She refused to pick up queens - I assume she allowed respect in that region. The cats who lived after their brutal treatment were taken to a torture chamber - where, nobody knew but Talon, Gar, and their minions. I heard her say something, something I couldn't understand. "There is nothing you can do for her now." My vision shook as I tried to stare at Windwhisker, but I couldn't see her; her screams were far different than they had been a moment before. She's in pain. Oh no. I opened my eyes long enough to cast a side-eye at Talon, whose amber eyes were focused on Windwhisker. Is she maybe...? The thought cut short as Talon yanked me into the air. My eyes saw brief spots of red on the ground where I was, and I felt like vomiting. Talon winced. "Eeugh, this is why I don't like to do things like this. Sorry for the rush. Name's Talon, I'm sure you've seen me before. Maybe a few moons ago, with Rowanpaw and Cedarwing." She flapped once. "You're not dead, so you'll be coming with me." I passed out after that statement. * I woke up sometime later, and some of my wounds felt better. Hey, hey, can you hear me? Falconpaw, is this you? What the - Talon?! Look, this is a long story. And I've only realized this recently. I can do odd things like this. This is technology we crafted. What - what is it? A neurotransmitter. I can listen to you when you wish, and communicate to you like that too. Which is what we're doing now, actually. Oh. What's going on? Besides you being in a torture chamber, there's a few more I'm getting. A few?!? Talon, why?! Because... you'll see. six - break All I got to eat over those first few days was just scraps of prey from the eagles. They never treated me right. I wasn't the first - another apprentice from another Clan joined me the next day. His name was Blizzardpaw. Nothing was wrong with him. "What's with those scars, Falconpaw?" I couldn't explain to him what they were - not if he would tell them later. Nobody could know that it was Talon's doing, nor could anyone know about the harm that was done to me. Gar came sometime later, and as for when, we had no idea. I saw all those apprentices - you know who they are, even if you refuse to remember them. The names Aspenpaw, Sunsetpaw, Reedpaw, Flamepaw, Silverpaw, and Bluepaw should all be familiar, as well as Thunderpaw and Lightningpaw, the brothers, and Juniperpaw and Yarrowpaw, the siblings. I first watched Lightningpaw die; shoved elsewhere with ominous, blood-like stains on the walls, he died quickly to a stab by Gar before Blizzardpaw and I entered with the rest. Talon was there. Don't be scared. Remember, Falconpaw, I'm gonna save you, I promise... We approached quietly, and immediately Aspenpaw caught my eye. Talon welcomed us both, then I approached the brown apprentice. "She's not what she seems." I'd noticed, by then, the pattern of eagle pickup; the picks taken earlier were more likely to die. Talon had been there the year before, with a few cats following her about a moon after they were taken. My stupid apprentice self attempted to stop her and got nearly killed instead. A wonderful way to have died there. Shut up about your death. Talon's voice stopped me from thinking about it. I explained to Aspenpaw quietly - no way was Talon going to hear me. We watched Reedpaw die next. She grabbed him and took him away, and everyone stood in shocked silence before she came back. I noticed, right then, a look of... emotion? Talon, why is it so easy to see your emotions like that? You're like someone I knew once. She could tell my emotions just by looking at me. Her thoughts go silent - why can't mine do that? I've got something to fix that. Talon shoved all the apprentices in a corner to sleep for the night. I nearly stayed up all night wondering about... Rowanpaw. Is this truly how you died? seven - heaven I didn't watch Blizzardpaw be killed, but everyone knew he was dead. Or yet to be dead. The screams that echoed reflected our last thoughts. Talon forced us into doing work whenever we weren't dead, but after hearing the screams, hearing cats die around me, feeling the pain from my wounds... I couldn't take it. This is your solution. Even though Talon's grip was tough, it wasn't as deep as it'd been before. I glanced up at Aspenpaw, worried that she thought I was going to die, worried I'd die. When Talon left, I couldn't muster the strength to move. Whatever Talon shot into me made me sleep, but gently. I couldn't see, but I knew Aspenpaw was there - she was nearby, and I knew so due to her faint warmth, some distance away. "You listening out there?" "Great. Falconpaw, you already know what this is, and it's simply modification to that. Aspenpaw, what I've inserted is a unique device capable of allowing you to hear my thoughts and me to hear yours. I promise this will help you." Aspenpaw must've said something, because I couldn't hear her well. "Yes, Aspenpaw, I did hear that. I'll be a bit deadly at times - just watch out, and don't mess around too much." She's warmer once I found her, and a bit smaller, I noticed. Hey, Talon... why will this help? "Nothing really. Splitting some lovebirds apart, hunting fears. Maybe even decide when to kill you." Aspenpaw must've thought about someone. "Watch out Aspenpaw. I know you like his company." I woke after that statement. "Hey, Aspenpaw. Talon's given these to us for a reason." "What would that be?" She stared at me, perplexed. "Hiding? Hiding what? She's the head of this whole operation, isn't she?" "I got that. But she had to have given them to us for a good reason." Suddenly the eagle attack rang back to me. My blood boiled with anger and the suspicion of Talon, and I thought about it, allowing Aspenpaw in for a moment. Talon screamed inside my mind, and I pushed her out of my thoughts. "She did something terrible to you." eight - away What nobody knows is my relation to Shadepaw. Aspenpaw didn't know right then. I told her she was my brother - not a lie. Windwhisker'd lied to Rowanpaw and I when we were younger, by telling us we were her only kits. When we got older, she told us the truth - with Shadepaw. He'd been the only living kit out of her litter, but there was some issue with him - we didn't know, but I remember him coming up to me, nearly a warrior at the time. Nobody told us what happened, but both Rowanpaw and I already knew. Rowanpaw and I were rejects. It's never been specified, but Windwhisker broke the rules by having us. She mentioned to us that we both were just children of regrets. She only told me what happened. Hawkthorn was dissatisfied with just one kit. He'd taken her alone... This is where I'll stop. No need to explain. She discovered she was pregnant after having Shadepaw just a few moons earlier. Rowanpaw and I were born not long before he was made an apprentice. While she wasn't necessarily in the wrong position, it caused a lot of looks at her. Not really unfortunate, but still notably, later, Hawkthorn died - not due to a bird. When the patrol found his body, he looked like he'd been killed by a cat. Nobody knew who it was - but many suspected it was an omen. Windwhisker never enjoyed omens, nor did she ever really believe them. When Shadepaw and the other apprentices died, I'd woken up in the medicine den, scared to death. Not dead, but heavily injured. Scared. Aspenpaw and I were asleep when I shared the scene of death with her. nine - cut When we woke, I realized that we were going to die. Aspenpaw realized this first - paws tied to a log, slowly ticking towards a shredder. I screamed when I saw the razor - I was actually going to die then. "Slide your front paws out, Falconpaw!" It took a moment to get the ropes out, and when Aspenpaw suggested we fling to the side, I was terrified - why did she think it would work? Regardless, we made it out alive from it, and I took the moment before we left to stare at the room. It was a large, metal-walled building. The logs we'd been on had been chopped in half. I studied the structure - a conveyor set to a certain speed, set to stop once it reached a certain point. Whoever designed it was a genius. Aspenpaw suggested we leave, and I couldn't have agreed more. Who knew how much time it'd be. We hunted for a while, and by then, I noticed the open sky, minus the half-covered conveyor. I decided it'd probably be best if we dug, so I started - we were out by sunset. Aspenpaw spotted an osprey in the air, and immediately I panicked. Run or fight, Falconpaw? Run. We can't risk our lives - we have cats who need us at our homes. We could beat him. Let's not. We could both die. I yowled and we both ran - ran for our lives, and while we were both terrified, we stopped some distance away, skittering up a tree to sleep for the night. I wasn't asleep when Aspenpaw wondered if Talon was okay. ten - breathe Gar found us the next day. No surprise. "Talon tried to save you two. Wherever her mercy came from... she clearly had it for you two." He shifted. "She's doomed when we find her." He went on about Talon for a while, saying she knew a cat named Nebula, and remarking about how well they worked together. Talon never mentioned what happened to the cats. Aspenpaw'd wondered why it was hard to forgive. Gar didn't have to tell me. They wanted us as cats to be scared of them. When Gar noticed Aspenpaw's silent, alongside my own, he noticed we were like Talon. She was like his daughter - or maybe a sister. I can't remember. It was hard to hear everything. Gar dropped us both once he heard Talon, and she begged him for forgiveness. They both talked gently, but they never noticed the grogginess in my eyes, how tired and sick I felt. It was hard not to. I was surprised Aspenpaw wasn't feeling it. "Follow us - oh, Falconpaw, you feeling okay?" Talon glanced over her shoulder at us both. "You're not looking too hot down there." As much as I hated it, I had to admit to myself what'd happened. I'd been injured heavily. There were lots of jerks and sudden moves in transport. Plus I was hungry - ugh. Bile shot up my throat, and I hated the feeling. Talon had a sadness to her eyes. "Nebula..." Aspenpaw backed away as Talon moved towards me. "Oh Nebula..." "Talon, she's not Nebula." Her face stared back at Gar, fueled with anger. "She's not Nebula, no matter how much she reminds you of her!" Her wing tucked me under, and within it, it was warm. My heart was pounding with fear, but it felt better to sit there with her. Aspenpaw looked shocked and confused, and I'd let out a sigh. It was a pain to stay awake, so I closed my eyes to sleep. eleven - memory She cared for few, but loved one. "You do know I never liked killing cats, right?" "You're a monster." Her name was Nebula. She was a monster. You're related to her, Falconpaw. It's Talon speaking, I know it. Who's Nebula? Someone I worked with. Also, side note, you're not dead. But you're going to see someone die in a moment. The scene shifted from dark to night. It's late, and I see Talon - she's young, far younger than she is now. She seemed upset. She thought about how even though it's been a few months since they left her, she can still smell the scents of Lapis and Amazon. It's dark, but she stared directly at a rock. ''That's where they left me. She sadly shifted in her position.'' The next day. It passed pretty quickly in her memories. Three cats cramped underneath the rock, with a tortoiseshell outside. Talon's eyes grew wide as she spotted her, and somehow she saw something in the soulless eyes. ''Is she... happy for me? "Who are you, tortie?" she muttered, landing on the rock after talking to Gar.'' "My name's Nebula. Ever heard of me?" The tortie's voice was soft and calm, but with a faint sense of confidence. She had to be there with those cats, Talon thought, and she muttered, "What are you doing down here? We've got enough troubles right now-" This set Nebula off. "I'm here alone." Talon, with her non-believing self, tapped the rock, and a sound of mewling came from below. The eagle narrowed her eyes. ''Of course, she'd lie. "Liar!"'' It was a rough few moments, but when she'd allowed the thought to resume, a brown tabby tom laid crushed in her grip. The scream had barely reached her ears, and she watched Nebula and the few others run away. Talon stared at the body for a moment. Her thoughts again traveled to Lapis and Amazon. The body slumped to the ground, and the sounds of Talon wailing made everything worse. She had her wings over her head, haunted by the two she-cats. ''It's like killing Amazon...! She hated it, she hated it, she hated it, and it just made her feel sick.'' Every brown cat she killed made her think of Nebula, and of Amazon, and every gray cat she killed made her think of Lapis. The memory stopped. Is that really what you feel like, Talon? I think about those two almost every day. It's been four years since I saw them both, and three years since Nebula died. That's... really sad. tbc C: